Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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