you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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