I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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