how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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