you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
