i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
