But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
