I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
