just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
