Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
