White coat. Heels.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
