from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
