i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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