last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
