My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
