i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
