I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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