Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
