Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
