My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
