At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
