if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
