i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
