i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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