Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
