maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
