He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
