the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's paper in my vomit.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
