Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
