had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
