She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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