You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
