Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
