I don't usually arrange sex via text message
operation have a gay friend backfired
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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