I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
