don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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