Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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