woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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