everyone is single if you try hard enough
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
