I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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