Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
