Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
