Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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