Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
