Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
