whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
