my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
