why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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