How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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