OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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