Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
