I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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